“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28 (NIV)
The Exhaustion Thief
There is a specific type of tiredness that comes with being an immigrant. It is bone-deep. It comes from working survival jobs that are below your skill level. It comes from the mental load of constant calculation – converting currency, checking visa statuses, and navigating bus routes.
When you finally crash into bed at night, you don’t want romance. You don’t want a conversation. You just want to sleep.
This is “Survival Mode.” And while it is necessary for a season, if it becomes a lifestyle, it will kill your marriage.
Roommates with Rings
In Survival Mode, your spouse stops being your lover and starts being your co-worker. You have staff meetings about bills. You high-five over logistics. But the tenderness? The laughter? The intimacy? Those are luxuries you feel you can’t afford right now.
You become roommates with rings.
But you cannot build a life on “just surviving.” The enemy of your marriage isn’t always a lack of love; often, it’s just a lack of energy.
Scheduling the “Us”
You schedule your work shifts. You schedule the kids’ dentist appointments. You must schedule your marriage.
It sounds unromantic, but in the Diaspora, spontaneity is a myth. You have to fight for rest, and you have to plan for intimacy.
Jesus offers rest to the weary. He wants your marriage to be a place of replenishment, not just another drain on your battery. It is okay to say “No” to an extra shift to say “Yes” to your spouse. It is okay to leave the dishes in the sink to sit on the couch and hold hands.
Stop grinding for a future “someday” at the expense of your “today.”
🛡️ The Diaspora Challenge
Action steps for your union today.
- The Diagnosis: Ask your spouse, “On a scale of 1-10, how empty is your battery right now?”
- The Permit: Give each other permission to rest this week. Maybe that means ordering pizza instead of cooking, or leaving the laundry for Saturday.
- The Date: Schedule a 1-hour date this week. It doesn’t have to cost money (a walk, a coffee at home). The only rule: No talking about bills, visas, or the kids.
🙏 A Prayer for Rest
Lord, we are tired. The hustle of this new land is draining us, and our marriage is paying the price. We come to You for rest. Help us to prioritize our union over our to-do list. rekindle the friendship between us. Teach us how to stop surviving and start loving again. Amen.
This is Day 11 of The Diaspora Devotional series (Focus: Marriage) by Andrew Airahuobhor. [Get The Diaspora Couple Book Here]