“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
— Romans 5:8 (NIV)
The Unearned Gift
Jesus didn’t love us because we were perfect. He didn’t wait for us to get our act together before He went to the cross. He loved us in our mess, in our weakness, and in our rebellion.
That is the standard we’re called to in marriage – not convenience, but Christlikeness.
Marriage will test your capacity to love like nothing else. There will be days when your spouse is silent when you need support. Days when old wounds reopen during a simple disagreement. Days when forgiveness feels like a gift they haven’t earned.
The “African Endurance” Trap
In many of our backgrounds, we saw “endurance” modelled more than active love. We saw mothers who stayed silent to keep the peace, or fathers who provided money but withheld affection. We learned that marriage was about “suffering through.”
But Christ calls us to a higher standard than cultural endurance; He calls us to Redemptive Engagement.
This doesn’t mean accepting abuse. It means choosing daily to offer grace when your flesh wants to offer judgment. It means saying:
- “I forgive, even if you haven’t apologized perfectly yet.”
- “I’ll speak life over you, even when I feel empty.”
Supernatural Strength
This kind of love is impossible in your own strength. It requires the Holy Spirit. It requires you to look at your imperfect spouse and choose to see them through the lens of Christ. When you choose kindness over sarcasm, or understanding over accusation, you are not just being a “good partner” – you are being a reflection of Jesus.
🛡️ The Covenant Challenge
Action steps for your marriage today.
- The Grace Letter: Write your spouse a short note. Start with: “I know I’ve failed at times, but today I choose to love you like Christ loves me. I appreciate…”
- The Act: Do one kind act today, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Fix their coffee, iron their shirt, or send a text of encouragement.
- The Prayer: Ask God specifically: “Show me one area where I am holding a grudge, and give me the strength to release it.”
🙏 A Prayer for Grace
Lord Jesus, thank You for loving me when I was undeserving. Help me mirror that love to my spouse – especially when it’s hard. Heal our wounded places. Soften our pride. Let our home reflect not just commitment, but compassion. We can’t do this alone – fill us with Your Spirit to love like You. Amen.