“She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family… She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” — Proverbs 31:15-16 (NIV)
The Double Shift
To the African woman in the Diaspora: We see you.
You are carrying a load that would break two people. Back home, you might have had a “village” – a mother, a sister, a house-help, a driver. Here, you are the village.
You wake up at 5 AM to get the kids ready. You work a full 8-hour shift (or more), contributing to the family income. Then you come home and start the “Second Shift”: cooking, cleaning, homework, and trying to be the respectful, attentive wife your culture expects you to be.
You are trying to be the Proverbs 31 Woman and the Modern Western Professional at the same time, without the support system of either. And you are drowning.
Resourceful, Not Exhausted
We often misread Proverbs 31. We read it as a to-do list for a Superwoman who never sleeps. But look closer.
The Proverbs 31 woman wasn’t just a worker; she was a manager. She had “servant girls” (v. 15). She had a support system. She didn’t do it all alone with her own two hands.
Being a virtuous wife in the Diaspora does not mean killing yourself with fatigue. It does not mean you are a failure if you buy takeout pizza on Friday because you are too tired to pound yams. It does not mean you are a “bad wife” if you ask your husband to do the laundry.
Permission to Resign
It is time to resign from the role of “Superwoman.” The cape is strangling you.
God did not design you to run on empty. He designed you for partnership. A healthy diaspora home requires a redistribution of the load. It requires a husband who steps up not just as a “helper” but as a “co-owner” of the domestic work.
But it also requires you to release the need for perfection. Your house doesn’t have to look like a magazine. Your meals don’t always have to be from scratch. Your children need a happy mother more than they need a spotless floor.
Take off the cape. You are human. And that is enough.
🛡️ The Diaspora Challenge
Action steps for your journey today.
- The “No” List: Identify one household task you are doing perfectly that can be done “good enough” (e.g., folding underwear, cooking fresh every night). Stop doing it perfectly.
- The Handover: Ask for help. Not with an attitude of accusation (“You never help me!”), but with an attitude of vulnerability (“I am drowning and I need you to take over the school drop-offs”).
- The Self-Care: Take 30 minutes this weekend for yourself. Leave the house. Go for a walk, get a coffee, sit in a park.
🙏 A Prayer for Strength
Lord, I am weary. I feel the pressure to be everything to everyone – the perfect earner, mother, and wife. I surrender my need for perfection. Teach me that my worth is not in how much I do, but in who I am. Give me the courage to ask for help and the wisdom to rest. Refresh my soul today. Amen.
This is Day 15 of The Diaspora Devotional series by Andrew Airahuobhor. [Get the full Collection Here]